Kansas is now the highest-ranked team in the BCS standings. That means that either Kansas or Alabama will be playing for the national championship on Jan. 10. The Jayhawks will play for the first time since the 2014 season at the Orange Bowl against No. 3 Ohio State. While the title game is set, the Bottom 10 is still on the table, and the Gossip Wire has all the latest buzz.
[Editor’s note: Week 1 of the 2021 college football season has passed, signaling a shake-up in the Bottom 10.]
This week’s inspirational thought:
For you, I don’t want to be a fool. For two players, it’s just another player in your game. You may despise me, but I’m not lying. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, Goodbye I’m not trying to be difficult; I simply want to tell you that I’ve had enough. It may seem insane, but it’s not. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye,
‘N Sync’s “Bye Bye Bye”
The greatest aspect of penning the Bottom 10 comes in the reward of seeing a longtime regular team finally do what they’d always dreamed of: win, as we’ve always maintained here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located in a tunnel of an abandoned Dallas warehouse where a bunch of people in suits just showed up digging through boxes for old Big Eight logo stuff. That’s why, on Friday night, when the then-top/bottom-ranked Kansas Jayhawks won for the first time in 679 days, I dashed out of my hotel parking lot and attempted to cut down a Bradford pear tree like a Memorial Stadium goalpost.
One day later, we got to experience the other side of life: that weird, melancholy sensation you get when a longstanding known face, like Regina George, gets pushed out of the Bottom 10 Cinematic Universe and onto an approaching bus. It’s not sad when you learn that the guy who was dismissed was Randy Edsall. It’s perplexing. It’s no secret that the Bottom 10 and Coach Edsall have clashed in the past. Ours, like many forced unions, deteriorated. And we felt bad about it until we discovered we weren’t the only ones.
But, well, when you lose a lot of money, that’s what happens. It’s also what occurs when someone stomps through life as if he or she were a spool of industrial-sized barbed wire.
Here’s the 2021 Week 1 Bottom 10 with apologies to Joseph Glidden, Dan Orlovsky, and Steve Harvey.
1. You won’t be able to (0-2)
For the first time since Nov. 30, 2019, the Randy Edsall Charm School scored points on Friday, breaking a 643-day drought. Unfortunately, Holy Cross, an FCS New England rival, scored more. UConn and Edsall announced on Sunday that the coach will step down at the conclusion of the season, presumably for a victory lap retirement tour in which he would be showered with presents like plaques and rocking chairs. On Monday, it was reported that Edsall would resign immediately, probably because he recognized he was more likely to be pelted with eggs and tomatoes when the Huskies went to…
2. UMess UMess UMess UMe (0-1)
The Minutemen were defeated 51-7 by Pitt to begin their 2021 season. When they heard of the Edsall tragedy, sources told the Bottom 10 JortsCenter News Desk that what should have been a very sad trip home to Amherst turned into “Soul Plane 2,” ordering the pilot to buzz Storrs like Maverick past the Miramar control tower.
3. Mexico State, oh my! (0-2)
When the Other Aggies arrive in Albuquerque for the 116th Battle of I-25 against archrival New Mexico, they’ll be hoping they don’t make a wrong turn. Randy Edsall never faced off against New Mexico or New Mexico State during his two-decade head coaching tenure. That’s strange, since New Mexico is known as the Land of Enchantment, and he’s always been enchanted.
4. Green on the Brink (0-1)
On Rocky Top, the Brown Falcons, who memorably swept past Randy Edsall’s 2015 Maryland Terrapins 48-27 to begin a slump that eventually led to his midseason dismissal, didn’t seem half bad. I mean, the team didn’t seem to be in bad shape. Those uniforms, on the other hand, yeesh. This week, they’ll welcome the South Alabama Redundancies in what we assumed would be the Pillow Fight of the Week undercard, but the U-S-A! Southern Missed took an unusually big chunk out of the Jags’ Bottom 10 Waiting Listers.
Clemson, North Carolina, and Miami were the only rated ACC teams to lose, while Duke, Georgia Tech, Florida State, and Louisville either lost games they shouldn’t have, had a potential upset slip through their fingers, or had half their squad expelled for targeting. Randy Edsall led Maryland to a 13-24 record, ACC Atlantic Division finishes of sixth, fifth, and fifth, and a grand finale defeat to Marshall in the Military Bowl in his three years in the conference.
Full Highlights of East Tennessee State Buccaneers vs. Vanderbilt Commodores
6. Commode Doors at Vanderbilt (0-1)
On Oct. 2, Van-duh-built fell to FCS school East Tennessee State, nicknamed the Team Currently Coached By A Famously Nice Randy (Edsall) (Sanders).
Temple Bowels, no. 7 (0-1)
Former Bottom 10 mainstay Rutgers beat the Owls 61-14 after defeating Randy Edsall’s 2018 and 2019 UConn teams by a total score of 126-24. This sets the stage for the Pillow Fight of the Week on Saturday, when TU goes to…
8. Akron-monious adverbial adverbial a (0-1)
Each week, choose the winner of ten college football games. Play confidently or straight up. Make your selections
The Zips are called after what Randy Edsall did from the Phoenix airport after his UConn team lost 60-10 to Auburn in the most important game in school history. Because Northern Illinois marched into Atlanta and added Georgia Tech to the pile of ACC defeats, what seemed to be a three-team battle for the lowest rung of #MACtion has been reduced to two teams: Boiling Green and Akron. In other news, Northern Illinois was staying in the same Atlanta hotel where I was for Miami-Alabama, and the Huskies encircled me in the elevator as Hydra did to Steve Rogers, but I’m not a super soldier, so I promised to give them some slack if they won. That is exactly what they did. I was also dressed entirely as Steve Rogers since I had just returned from Dragon Con.
9. Minion Minion Minion Minion Minion Minion Minion Minion Minion Minion (0-1)
Old Dominion the football team, who was supposed to face UConn in 2020 until Edsall canceled the season, was mentioned on Marty & McGee on Saturday morning, with Old Dominion the country band as guests. In an attempt to shamelessly promote the Bottom 10, we presented “highlights” of ODU’s 42-10 defeat against Wake Forest. Then I asked lead vocalist Matt Ramsey whether people often inquire about the band’s attendance at Old Dominion University. “They’ll perform badly, and then we’ll go on our Twitter account and say, ‘Man, y’all suck!” he replied yes, before quickly adding, “They’ll perform poorly, and then we’ll get on our Twitter account and say, “Man, y’all stink!” One of those Twitter accounts was @EdsallIsTheMan, which I checked up.
The Kansas Jayhawks are ranked No. 10 in the country (1-0)
Did I mention that their victory against FCS also-ran South Dakota was by three points? Did I mention that I passed out while attempting to cut down the tree in the hotel parking lot?
Yew-Dub, LS-Whew, Southern Missed, ULM (pronounced “Ulm”) unLv, FI(not A)U, Georgia State Not Southern, US(not C)F, Yew-Dub, LS-Whew, Southern Missed, ULM (pronounced “Ulm”) unLv, FI(not A)U, Georgia State Not Southern, US(not C)F, Yew-Dub, LS-Whe COVID-19 by the time I get in Arizona.
The Kansas Jayhawks are no longer the undisputed king of college football. After taking over the Top 10, the Jayhawks are now at the mercy of the committee.. Read more about ncaa football rankings 2021 and let us know what you think.